Finding My Personal Identity

19th January 2010

The beginning of the end of the project

This project has to be the longest and most difficult project I’ve ever had to do. It’s challenged me many times and has changed my view on certain things. It has made me find out wonderful things I never knew before and has made me want to tear my hair out because I’d lost my way. At some points I wasn’t sure whether to love it or hate it; but the past few days have finally allowed me to figure out what the whole project is really about.

I began the project by collecting feathers as I have a strange fascination with flight; it was a collections project and feathers (in my opinion) were the closest thing to flight I could collect. So I spent my summer just picking up feathers where ever I could and I researched into bird anatomy just to give me an idea of how birds and feathers worked. Once the summer break was over and we returned to Uni, we were given the second part to the brief, which was to use the ‘objects’ or ‘collections’ we’d all collected and turn them into a final piece of some sort. It sounded easy to begin with; I’d already got preconceived ideas or themes that I really wanted to and thought this was the opportunity to do them. It wasn’t. I found whenever I had a talk with tutors or friends different ideas would surface and different opinions meant I was faced with lots of choices. I really wanted to do an ‘Icarus’ themed final piece but I don’t think that even had a chance to be heard. I thought up loads of different ideas and played around with a few ideas, but nothing seemed to really engage me.

It was around here that I was presented with the live ‘potato’ brief from an outside company. This project took over from all other projects for the 3 or so weeks that I had it; but it was a truly valuable project that I am pleased to have undertaken and I have learnt so much from those 3 weeks. But once that project was completed it was time to come back to Personal Identity. I found the more I thought about it and did this work, the more I began to dislike it all and lost the will to do the project. When given the task to write my own brief I found that I couldn’t figure out what to do. When I finally did produce a few briefs, they were discarded quickly by not only me but a few others. That was the final straw for me and I decided that I disliked the project and I really didn’t want to do it. It was doing nothing but make me unhappy with my work and it felt like a chore; something that no project should do.

During the Christmas break I did nothing but procrastinate over the project; something that I’m unfortunately good at. The notes from a tutorial done just before the break were a good help: some of it wasn’t to my liking but I didn’t realise then that it actually makes a lot of sense. The most productive thing I did over the break was go to a local lake and I took lots of photos of birds in their natural habitat, then I drew a few images from them.

It wasn’t until I came back to study after Christmas and had my first tutorial that a big chunk of jigsaw pieces that were scattered came together. I knew it was the start of something as I left the tutorial smiling, rather than sour-faced. I realised that I’d cornered myself straight away when I chose feathers to collect; there is only so much I can do with feathers. I only looked at the collections brief when doing the project; I forgot about the ‘personal identity’ side of the module. Feathers wouldn’t allow me to find myself a way of working and find my favourite methods. I should have picked something that I do anyway, that I enjoy, that I could explore even more: Which is where I am now.

I figured out yesterday that it’s not about the deadline of the project; it’s about finding our own way of working. Of course, the deadline to the module matters, it closes the project and I get marked on what I’ve achieved in the time period, but it doesn’t mean I stop the process forever. It’s probably one of the most important projects/process for me as an Illustrator. It’s a journey into me and the things I like, and taking that information and finding similar things/people that can help me find new ways of working and things that will inspire.

I think the best way to describe what I did was that ‘I went and looked for something that was far away when all along it was right in front of me’. I believe everything I did over the time I had this project, even when I was doing nothing for the project, was completely necessary for me to be able to get to where I am now. It’s taken a very long time for me to be able to see things much more clearly, and I’m only disappointed that it didn’t come sooner so that I could have so much more work to hand in. But I can’t change that so will have to make do with the work I do have now; work that I have produced in the past 2 weeks that I have enjoyed researching/drawing/making: work that didn’t feel like a chore.

3 Weeks of Potatoes

5^th December 2009

The potato project was a strange, tiring yet interesting project. I’m not quite sure how I got roped into being in charge of the project, other than it somehow linked into my Personal Identity work where I was taking something and turning it into something else. As with everyone else, I wasn’t really sure what to make of the vague brief we had been given: making a name out of potatoes isn’t something you get to do everyday. Seeing as I was the only one in the project as nobody else was too keen and wanted to do other work, I managed to rope fellow Illustrator Laura into helping me out and to make the most of the opportunity. We spent the first few days coming up with ideas as a group, then Laura and I took the idea(s) that worked the best and narrowed them down until we found an idea we thought would work. Once we knew the basics of what we wanted to achieve we set out with Neil as our guide to this new way of working on a project.

The first thing that we were told we need to do was to research the project. This meant going out and actually finding, handling and analysing potatoes to find the right ones for what we wanted to make. It sounds ridiculous and we probably looked strange sometimes walking around with bags full of potatoes but it was incredibly useful. It wasn’t just potatoes we did this for; it was paint too and wood later on in the project. Once we had the materials, we set about experimenting with them. This meant cutting, sticking and painting potatoes. It felt like I was back in pre-school again doing potato stamps. Whilst this was going on the woman who was organising this project for her client, Charlotte, emailed us to say she’d like to see our idea so that she could either give us the thumbs up for the project or to choose a different, professional artist. This was great news, but it was also nerve-racking as it was our first experience of showing a potential client our work. With the help of tutors, we set everything up right and Charlotte came in and everything went smoothly. She was impressed that we’d actually made a mock up of our idea already so that she could see exactly what we had in mind. Investing time and money into the tests and mock up was really important as it gave us a head start and I believe it was a main factor that won us the commission.

Once we knew we’d got the commission that was when things started to get a bit harder and the work load increased. The next day was spent sending loads of emails and making calls to and from Charlotte trying to figure out the exact details of what the client wanted for their piece for the farmers show and what would/wouldn’t work. It was a frustrating task, but something that was essential to get right. This continued for the next few days as well as Laura and I attempting to get the 3D department at the college to help us make boxes; a task that was doomed from the start due to lack of enthusiasm on the departments half and too many health and safety rules. With no help from them we set out around Hereford trying to find a place that sold cheap wood; a task that wasn’t doomed, but was hard work. As soon as we’d finalised the ideas with Charlotte we had no time to waste and we set about using all the knowledge we’d gained from the past week or so and set about buying all the materials we needed to make the two huge boxes full of potatoes. It was around here that another Illustrator, Jess joined us to help us out; if it wasn’t for her help I doubt the project would have been finished on time. We brought the wood and made the 6ft boxes, glued, nailed and painted them. Then the 3 of us set about cutting, painting and sticking the potatoes down into the boxes; a very tedious task but it had to be done. The project was driving us slightly crazy but it was the day before they had arranged to pick up the boxes so we had to get as much done as we could. The final day we were running around like headless chickens doing our best to finish everything off. I found myself in a friend’s car driving to get last minute paint and bubble wrap as a last minute requests from the client. But we made it. Just.

Overall, I’m still not quite sure what to make of the strange idea that was given to us and how it has given me and Laura the nickname ‘The Potato girls’. The only thing I know for sure is that it was a truly valuable experience, even if it did frustrate me at times, and I feel everyone missed out on a good opportunity by not taking part. I know for sure I have gained some great knowledge that will come in handy later on when I’m presented with new briefs; during my studies and when I’m out on my own. I have already used some of this knowledge in my Personal Identity work and Book Arts work without really noticing until I looked back over it. I think the thing that I value the most was being taught to look for things everywhere; to research the project from the beginning. It helped to sort the good from the bad at the beginning of the project rather than near the end where it throws you off course. It also helped me to widen where I look for things, and to explore places I wouldn’t normally look as there could be something amazing and inspiring there.

David Hockney Exhibition Outing

Saturday 21^st November 2009

I never treat myself to anything exciting, so I decided that I would take myself to see an exhibition of the great Hockney’s work.

I managed to stumble upon an article online detailing the new exhibition about a week before it opened on the 14^th and turned into a little kid on Christmas when I found out it was possible to go. David Hockney is a big inspiration for me in general, but what made the exhibition even better was the fact that the work that was to be shown is his 1960’s work: the work of his I love the most. And it was free.

A week past and the exhibition opened. I still really wanted to go, but I had the problem of finding someone to come with me and I had to figure out how to get to Nottingham. After asking loads of people if they wanted to come and them declining the offer due to lack of money or fear of going to Nottingham, I decided I’d just go all by myself. Train tickets were cheap(ish) and I didn’t care if I got mugged in Nottingham as long as I got to see Hockney’s work.

The 21^st was the best day to go as it was a Saturday so I got my tickets and left for my 3 hours 45 minutes train journey. Nothing exciting really happened on the journey so I’ll skip straight to getting into Nottingham and getting lost. I whipped my map out as soon as I got to the city and figured that the centre where the exhibition was wasn’t far at all from the station. But that didn’t stop me going the long way round; through shopping centres and into the crowds of Christmas shoppers alone. It was pretty frightening to be alone in some city that has a bad name and that I’d never been to before. But I couldn’t go back to Hereford without seeing some of my favourite artwork. After 20 minutes of wandering I found the Nottingham Contemporary Centre; a sweet little gallery right by a tram line where I saw numerous people almost get knocked down by trams. Once in the gallery the first room I entered was the shop; mainly a large collection of books and a few other bits. After a quick look in the shop there were a number of doors to different galleries; I decided to follow the signs that were put up just so the pictures were in numerical order and I wanted to do it properly. The first gallery I entered featured, to my dismay, some other artist’s work. The work in the room was that of Frances Stark. I took a look anyway as the work I saw was intriguing and just by looking I found a new artist that I liked.

Once I’d had my fill of Stark’s work I went straight into another gallery space and found a smile tugging at my mouth as my eyes wandered around the room and saw a number of canvas pieces that I never thought I’d see in real life. I took each Painting one at a time; reading every caption and the information provided. Once I’d marvelled at the likes of ‘Doll Boy’ and the Homosexual Propaganda I moved onto the next gallery space where again, I took each Painting and print work one at a time and read everything. This room featured the ‘America’ work such as all his paintings of men in swimming pools and showers, his studies of men and his recreation of ‘A Rake’s Progress’.

After spending roughly 2 hours in the gallery I decided I should probably leave before I concocted a plan to steal some of the paintings; but not before I brought the exhibition book, which I have to say, is a beautifully made book with too many big words in it for me. I slowly made my way back towards the train station; I did think about shopping but decided against it as it was raining and it was Nottingham after all... I spent my long journey back to Hereford thinking over the exhibition and how happy I was to have been lucky enough to have seen the beautiful work Hockney produced at the Royal College and on his travels. Not even the stupidly packed train from Birmingham where I had to stand for about an hour could damped my spirits after seeing a Hockney’s work for probably my first, and last time.